In 2023, we still have a critical mass of men who are very insecure in their masculinity up to the point where they are more than happy to police the behaviors of their fellow men. Men who are going about their lives and doing regular everyday things, but if they do this thing a specific type of way, then they must be…Oh No, Gay!
I don’t care what two or more consenting adults get up to behind closed doors. I don’t care who another consenting adult marries. Same-sex marriage is like straight marriage in the fact you’re having sex with the same person for the rest of your marriage or until death do you part. I have no problem seeing straight or gay couples showing public displays of affection. It’s what humans do. I have friends who are gay, bi, lesbian, trans, and nonbinary. At the end of the day, people are people.
Folks in the LGTBQ community are asking again: are the straights okay? As a straight man, I will answer that we are not okay at all. So here is a not-so-exhaustive list of things a guy can do that makes them “gay.”
Wearing open-toed sandals (So having my toes out makes me gay? Maybe it’s hot outside, and I don’t want my feet to sweat. Maybe I’m at the goddamn beach. I ain’t wearing Tim’s in the sand.)
Eating a banana in public (Weird, it’s just a fruit, but some think it’s a phallic symbol. I once dated a girl in college who’d sexually suggestively eat a banana, but that’s for another post. She was doing it for attention, and definitely got my 24 year old ass attention back in the day.)
Eating an ice cream cone (I guess licking ice cream makes you fabulous)
Smiling (Well, the term gay derives from being in a state of carefreeness or cheerful. What’s wrong with being in a good mood?)
Enjoying a good poop (Thanks to Reddit, there are men out there who think if they enjoy a good dump too much, they’re definitely gay af. Nope, you’re just an average human who enjoys relieving themselves. Plus, ain’t nothing wrong with being gay af)
Wiping your ass (Dammit, Reddit strikes again! Yes, some men think it’s gay to wipe their ass. Crazy that smelling like a porter potty on the last day of Lollapalooza is better than being seen as gay to some very single and stinky ass dudes out there)
Moan during sex (Yup, some dudes who have sex apparently don’t enjoy sex. So making sounds during sex makes you gay. WTF? It’s mofos out here with no compassion have straight-faced organisms. Shame, the Leo in me doesn’t allow for quiet sex)
Being a man and having sex with women (Yes, the Internet troll and Mexican white supremacist Nick Fuentes said he’s an incel and that having sex with women makes you gay. Forget logic when it comes to these modern-day right-wingers)
Watching the Barbie Movie (Ben Sharpio watched it, so you straight men don’t have to. Look, if you want to watch The Barbie Movie, fuck it, “Let’s go Barbie”)
Crying (Because real men don’t cry. I guess being stoic is the only emotion and feeling a straight man should have.)
I’m a 40-year-old man these days. I never understood why being gay was the antithesis of being a real man. Gay men are still men, so it’s ignorant to think otherwise. The thought that a real man can’t be gay is toxic and homophobic. It’s okay to be gay, straight, or BI. Or however the Zoomers are label sexuality these days.
It’s a shame that some dudes would rather be stinky, smelly, single, and joyless versus being seen as gay. If you’re out of your high school clique days, then you shouldn’t care about what others think. Enjoy your life and be secure in your manhood, fellas. Like I said before, masculinity comes in countless variations. There’s no one proper way to be a man. That’s some beautiful shit, my man.
Evolving Folks Project 