It’s been strange over the last few years on social media regarding men, height, and the dating game. A single theme consistently emerges across TikTok, Instagram, Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, and Meta Threads. That it’s hopeless for men who stand under 6 feet with women and dating. Perhaps this is a common theme among gay and bisexual men as well, but it’s usually coming from heterosexual dating videos and online discussions. I’m not part of the LGBTQ community, but it seems to be us straights dealing with the height discussion.
There is a segment of shorter men, especially on Reddit and Twitter, who will claim that there’s discrimination against men who are smaller in stature. They’ll argue that if you’re on Bumble, Tinder, or Hinge as a short man, women will ignore your profile and you altogether. They say women who use online dating apps state that men under six feet need not apply or inquire. A few guys claimed that it sucks to be a short man.
In the U.S., the percentage of men over six feet tall is roughly 14.5%, while for women, it’s around 1%. The average height for U.S. men is about 5’9″. Roughly 15% of men are 6’0″ or taller. Only about 3.9% of men are 6’2″ or taller. For women, the average height in the U.S. is about 5’4″. Only 1% of women reach 6’0″ or taller. It means that being tall is uncommon, especially for women, but even for most men. So, the notion that people are discriminated against based on height is like saying folks face prejudiced based on eye color. It seems silly, but there’s some truth to it too.
Yes, discrimination is an actual thing, but being short isn’t a thing folks get prejudice from unless you’re a little person who has dwarfism. But for the rest of the U.S., society isn’t a nation where people are super tall. Most folks are shorties. Heightism is like a pretty privilege. It manifests itself in bias in different people based on cultural norms and ideals around men and women. But there’s no point in history where the tall people rounded up and genocided us shorties or enslaved us to work in the tunnels. It’s problematic, but being a short dude won’t hinder your life unless you’re trying to become a professional ballplayer. However, Isaiah Thomas still has a great NBA career at 5’9”. Here’s what the social scientists say about height and gender in the West.
The “male-taller” norm, in which women prefer their male partners to be taller and men prefer their female partners to be shorter, is theorised to reflect a sexual dimorphism in which tall statured men enjoy greater reproductive success, and has been demonstrated in studies from numerous countries, including Poland and the United States.
More recently, social psychology perspectives have theorised height norms as reflective of the cultural transmission of gender-appropriate behaviour, with studies from the United States and the United Kingdom demonstrating that tall stature is constructed as a masculine trait (Helgeson, 1994, Swami et al., 2008). In turn, as shown in at least one study from the United Kingdom, patriarchal pressures enforce male and female adherence to these norms (Swami et al., 2010), thus consolidating widely held beliefs and preferences regarding height.
I stand at 5 foot 7 inches. I was always one of the smaller guys in my elementary and high school classes. But I didn’t get dates in high school, not because I was short, but because I had zero game. As a teen, I loved pro wrestling, comic books, and Kung Fu movies—not things that attracted the prettiest girls in school. I still had a date at the prom and plenty of friends. It’s just that no one picked me for three-on-three at the court back in the day.
When I reached adulthood, I grew very little height-wise from my teen years. But my confidence grew as I served in the Armed Forces and went to college and grad school. I had my own mental health struggles that I’ve dealt with and worked on over the decades on a path to being a better human being. Even though my trials and tribulations as a sailor, broke college student, and broke-ass young professional, I did okay in the realm of dating. Yes, it was a few folks who clowned me for being short. A couple of women turned me down in IRL and online dating apps.
It sucked at the moment and time, but it wasn’t the end of the world. You can’t win all the ladies. These days, I’m happily married to a beautiful and intelligent woman. Like most couples, our biggest struggle is what to cook for dinner each night. It’s hope for us short kings out there, whether you’re 5’2″ or 5’10″, which is short according to some folks online.
If I find love and happiness, then anyone can. Some men will watch a popular female influencer discuss her preference for dating men over six foot five inches. Some men think all their life problems would magically disappear if they were 6ft or taller. It’s not the way the world works. These are some other issues facing some short men. They make being short their whole personality. They haven’t honestly sat with and addressed their own insecurities. And they don’t work on themselves to develop their personality and other interests.
If you’re a man who’s highly depressed or suicidal. And your inner thoughts about your height are part of the problem. Please seek mental health services asap. For those who don’t have healthcare, there are free community healthcare centers and mental health hotline resources. For those who aren’t dealing with severe mental health issues. You gotta accept yourself for who you are and work on your inner game. Negative self-talk and doubts can hinder your self-worth. Accept your flaws and embrace them. If you have a gnarly scar, or you have a gap in your teeth, or you’re the same height as Kevin Hart. Just realize they’re not flaws. They’re part of your story and the things that make you who you are.
Men of all heights can develop their personalities. Take up an intermural sport, painting, Lego building, do community theater, or try an open mic night at the local comedy. Hobbies are fun, and you can explore things you like and bring you joy. Years ago, I got into improv and took tons of classes. I’ve made incredible friends and met many cool people doing improv. Some folks might think it’s corny, but who cares what others think? I’ve even tried my hands at stand-up comedy. I don’t think I’ll be the next Eddie Murphy, but it’s something I enjoy. Eddie Murphy, standing at just 5’9″, has surprisingly dated many gorgeous and talented women from his generation. Some of his notable exes include Halle Berry, Amber Rose, Mel B, and Whitney Houston.
You can’t win them all, fellas. Even some tall, dark, and handsome fellows have gotten turned down. It’s the nature of dating you win some and lose some. It’s a loud, vocal minority online that worships at the altar of the height supremacy of being 6ft plus. And there’s another vocal minority of men who say the world hates them because they’re all under 6 feet tall. As a black man, I’ve faced blatant discrimination from racist police and individuals in my lifetime. It wasn’t because I was short. It was because of my skin color.
Back in the day when a leggy black Brazilian woman from Rio turned down my romantic advances because she stood several inches taller than me. It wasn’t because of discrimination. It was simply a preference; she preferred not to mess around with a shorter man. On the flip side, I dated a couple of women who were much taller than me. And many more who were much shorter in my single days. If you are dating online or in real life and you come across someone who states they only want a partner who’s 6ft plus and you don’t fit that mold, move on. I’ve been cool with dudes who were super tall and had women throwing themselves at them. On the flip side, I’ve known dudes who were my height or shorter and who never had trouble in dating and relationships.
Some people want a rich man, some want a hefty man, and others wish for a yoked dude. It’s not wrong to like what we like. Most short people like me are doing fine, even if I need to stand on a stool to reach the top cabinet at my high-ceiling Southern home. Just know most of humanity ain’t as tall as the average NBA player. Most people are under 6ft tall. Does height hinder things for men, yes and no? If you’re not tall, you might face challenges, but don’t despair. You might have to try a lot harder to be charming. I’m sure many ladies would prefer to dating a charismatic and kind short king over a tall, boring, self-centered dude. If all else fails for those height-conscious guys, just date a fun-sized girl. She’ll finally make you feel taller.
Evolving Folks Project 