Evolving Folks Project

The Dating Game has changed quite a bit since I was single and ready to mingle in 2013. According to data, about half of men aged 18 to 25 have never approached women they were interested in. Old heads like myself and others would say that the young dudes lack courage and fear rejection. But I was 25 years old in 2008, and the dating game was a different beast compared to 2025.

I have to tell some fellas from an older generation that dating isn’t dead and that people still find love. Since this is the Evolving Folks Project nowadays, my ‘sage’ dating advice won’t just be for the guys. It can apply to everyone looking for the one or Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.

As an elder millennial who’s been boo’ed up for over a decade, I should probably shut up and go to work. Well, here I am, doling out advice just in time for Valentine’s Day. With the Pop the Balloon or Find Love show, the Alpha-Male Podcast bros, the rise of the incel community, the infamous and viral list of places not to take a woman on a first date, Only Fans, Tinder, Bumble, Reddit, and the gender wars playing out on social media, and reality tv shows make dating, and relationships a daunting task for the ill-prepared, no matter your age.

I am a licensed social worker at my day job, so I may know something about human relationships, interactions, and societal trends. The advice will be for all genders, but I will have some information for men and women, respectively.

For the fellas- Short or Not

A hot topic in dating that plays out online on Reddit, Facebook, and Twitter debates is height supremacy. According to folks constantly online, it’s a top priority for those looking for potential male mates on dating apps and in real life. Yes, only 14.5% of American men are six feet or taller and all the women are fighting over this small minority of tall dudes. Seriously? According to Alpha Male Podcast Bros and High Value Women Influencers, a man who is less than six feet is, I guess, not a man? That’s ridiculous. Also, why would so many women and queer men prioritize something that a person has no control over their height or lack of height.

If you’re a man on dating apps and you’ve seen tons of potential dates saying men under six feet need not apply, don’t fret. Yes, some people want a rich man, some want a man with a sense of humor, some want a man with a dad bod, some want a man built like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and some want a tall-ass guy. Remember, fellas attraction isn’t a choice. if someone is chasing a certain height for their ideal partner, then that’s not the one for you unless you’re an NBA player.

To my under-six-foot dudes, I say don’t despair. It’s okay to be a short king. You don’t have to get crazy surgery to extend your legs. Be cool with your given height and own it. I stand only five foot seven inches. I’m not towering over people like a pro-ball player. Long ago, had to accept that I wouldn’t ever win a dunk contest or headline WrestleMania. That’s fine. I met my wife online back in the day. I met many women online and in real life when I was single. Even in the olden days, pre-Tinder, only a couple of women flat-out told me I was too short for them. Yes, it sucked in the moment, but sometimes you fall only to pick yourself back up.

My height didn’t hinder my dating chances in life. Yes, I’ve faced rejection, but I can’t claim those ladies didn’t like me because I wasn’t Kobe Bryant’s height. They could have been spoken for, queer, or I just wasn’t their type. In my single days, I’ve dated really short women, women my own height, and even women way taller than myself. Short kings, let your reign be supreme, and don’t limit yourself because of something outta your own control.

Ladies- You Ain’t Got Game

I am directing this advice at straight women. Still, it could apply to anyone just waiting for love to fall magically in your lap. I’m a cis-gendered dude who doesn’t know what it’s like to be a woman. So, take what I say with a grain of salt, ladies.

But I’ve been in situations in my single days when I thought a girl was digging me. All the signs of her showing interest and throwing subtle hints pointed to her liking me. When I made my move, some ladies said they only wanted to be friends. On the flip side, other times, it turned into a fling or a relationship. In essence, these women were all nice to me and, most times, showed a genuine interest in me. A few of them even found me funny. Now, I’m not saying I thought every woman who was ever nice to me wanted to jump my bones.

There was a minor difference between women who wanted romance with me versus those who just wanted to be good friends. Subtle hints have led me to misread the room quite a few times. I’m sure I’m not the only guy out there whose be left confuse and unsure if a woman was digging me. I’d tell the single ladies out there, please treat us dudes like we are idiots. Just tell us you’re interested in us and want us to take you on a date. Now, you might get turned down. The apple of your eye could be in a relationship, gay, or just not interested. If you put yourself out there and get rejected, it’s not the end of the world. It happens, but you don’t want to send mixed signals. I can appreciate Southern women like my wife. Since day one, she’s been forward in our relationship about what she wanted. Being forward avoids awkward situations. Try it, ladies.

For everyone- Be Yourself.

I know that’s cheesy ass advice, but it’s true. The first thing you have to do is work on your inner game. Gain a positive sense of self. Accept the fact that you’re a human being with good and bad days. And you’re not perfect because no one is perfect. To find happiness with another, you need to be content with who you are. It can go a long way.

Thinking you need a romantic partner to make your life complete is a surefire way to stay single forever. You put too much pressure on someone else to make you happy. You appear very desperate, and believe me, I know from personal experience. Build a glorious life outside of having a romantic partner with hobbies, friends, and family. Do things you enjoy and work on other ways to improve yourself. Rather, it’s hitting the gym, taking a cooking class, reading more books, or taking that improv class. Being an Evolved person means continually finding ways to better yourself.

Embrace your perceived flaws and strengths. You gotta accept your shortcomings and what makes you unique. You must accept who you are before you expect anyone else to, rather it’s a long-term boo or a fling. If you’re feeling depressed, isolated or suicidal , please seek out a mental health professional asap.

Finally, here is a bit of advice: be honest

In an earlier sage dating advice post I stated this and I will again. In 2025, the year of our lord and savior K. Dot, a single person has options—lots of them in dating. You can be what dating expert Dan Savage calls monogamish, openly play the field and date multiple people, be polyamorous, or stick to the traditional monogamy.

Just be honest with your potential partner or partners. If you want kids or not, whether you’re down for some kink or you’re okay with vanilla sex. If you want to date a lot of people at the same time or you’re a serial monogamist. If you’re asexual or a nympho. You gotta be upfront with all that shit. You also gotta be prepared to lose a love interest if you all do not see eye to eye on important things that build the foundation of a romantic relationship, like if you want children and your partner doesn’t. That can spell disaster in the long term.

Don’t play games with people’s emotions. Just be honest about what you want, and be prepared to let go if your new boo isn’t on board. I remember in my single days, there was a woman we’ll call “Tyra” on my dorm floor. I really liked Tyra, and I made that clear. She turned me down not once but three times. I can take a hint. Ironically, this woman was angry that I hooked up with her friend months later. I was shocked. We were not in a serious relationship or dating. We had no obligation to each other, and she turned me down. That meant I could date whoever I wanted, even her friend.

In the end, she was playing games. You get more respect from your partner or partners if you keep it 100%. So take this excellent dating advice from your friendly neighborhood “old-ass” millennial. Happy Valentine’s Day.