Evolving Man Project

I can hear it now, another goddamn article with dating advice. You damn right! Now, I wrote about dating on the Evolving Man Project before. I have something to say again, being an elder millennial and all. I’m coming up on my fifth wedding anniversary, and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, folks. I’ve been out of the dating game for quite a while as a married man. But I can tell you that relationships aren’t easy and take a lot of hard work to maintain. Hell, I’m still figuring this marriage thing out myself. 

I’m not perfect, and the purpose of the Evolving Man Project isn’t to tell men that one day they’ll reach a point where they’re flawless. That’s only our Qween Beyonce, who is flawless, and she has a song titled that to prove it. To evolve is to change. An evolved man is constantly changing for the better, hopefully. Perhaps a 28-year-old, Lornett would shrug his shoulders at dating advice from his 38-year-old self. I know men make many mistakes in life and for sure in dating. I made a ton of mistakes too. I’m older and more reflective these days. I’m not a single guy, but maybe this can help out some single fellas during the peak of cuffing season.

Hell, this advice could apply to those who date the same sex and everyone in between. Shout out to my demi and pansexuals! But I am writing this from the perspective of a guy who dates women. A straight cis-black man who dated women and married a lovely Southern lady. Why would a pretty and intelligent bi-girl from Arkansas want to marry my crazy-ass is beyond me…lol! Seriously, it was because I’m tall, dark, and handsome minus the tall part. Word up to my fellow short kings out there doing the damn thing in the realm of dating!

Here’s some more sorta sage dating advice from an “old-ass” millennial without further ado. This will be a list of do’s and don’ts, playboys. 

Don’t: 

Send dick pics without request. Now, if a love interest requests nudes, do your thang if you’re into that type of stuff. But if it’s unsolicited, then you’re an asshole creeper committing sexual harassment virtually.

Speaking of assholes. Don’t be an asshole. When I was younger, I even held the misconception that women liked jerks. Wrong, no one really likes jerks. People are attracted to those who are as confident in themselves. It happens to be a lot of sure of themself assholes in the world. Mistreating others to make yourself feel bigger means you’re a jerk. And you deserve to be all by your lonesome for the rest of your days or until you change your attitude. Now don’t be a pushover or the dreaded ‘nice guy,’ but be kind. Simply put, be a gentleman.

Slidin’ into the DMs: Now, I’m not against sliding into the DMs per se. I’m sure it’s worked for a few fellas out there. Websites like Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Match.com, Christain Mingle, Grindr, and countless others. You are encouraged to slide into a potential love interest DMs on those dating apps and sites. A problem most men make on these sites, myself included once upon a time, is messaging someone and just saying “hi” or “hey.” It’s far better to be bold and humorous in your initial message. Or simply introduce yourself and say you liked what they had to say or their photos. Or my name is so and so, what’s yours? You don’t need to write them a novel, but saying something besides ‘hey’ or ‘you’re cute’ goes a long way. It’s how I met my wife. Sliding into her DMs, on OkCupid. But I did say more than you’re cute. For the fellas getting success sliding into the DMs on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook not named Drake or Michael B. Jordan. Holla at me!

 
Do

Have fun. That’s the biggest thing to know when dating and hooking up. You should have fun and not treat it like a chore or something you have to do because society tells you so. Enjoy meeting new people on dates and don’t take things too seriously initially. It might be other people out looking just to have a good time. Maybe that good time can turn into true love, but sometimes a good time is just a good time. Dates aren’t job interviews. Of course, you should always present your best self. But also have fun, and flirt your ass off. Don’t check out the hot waitress or bartender. And if you’re over 21, don’t take a first date to Hooters. (Unless she insists!)

Be open. My wife had dated both men and women before we met. I was very open to her past (no crazy threesomes stories, you pervs) not just her sexuality but also her personal interests. She’s a writer and a damn good one, I might add. She encouraged me to start this website. Six years and tens of thousands of visitors later, we are still going strong at the Evolving Man Project. We even wrote a novel together. This is thanks to me being open. So fellas, step out of your comfort zone. You might learn something new about yourself and get closer to your new boo!  

Explore Relationship Types. When I was a single guy over a decade ago. The only acceptable mainstream relationship type was monogamous ones that lead to a nuclear family. Thanks to the influence from the LGTQ+ community and people being more open about their love lives. The culture has shifted slowly from the one size fits all model. You can explore many types of relationships if you’re a single dude. 

If you want to play the field and date around. Be honest about it, and if she’s not cool with it. Then you have to accept your losses. She might bounce, so don’t be a possessive asshole. If you want to be monogamish, then be open if she wants it too. If you want to be in a polyamorous relationship, then, by all means, say so in the beginning. If you want an open relationship, you better prepare to deal with the fact that she might want to have another boyfriend or girlfriend or both!

We men have many options when it comes to the game of love. I hope this advice can help some single fellas out there and some not so single ones. Now, I’m off to find an anniversary gift.