The Game of Love
The idea behind this website Evolving Man Project is to discuss the serious and not so serious issues impacting men today. The concept of the Evolved Man is about a man who learns and grows from their failures. It’s a life long process, but it’s what can separate you from the average Joe. Think about it, a person that keeps repeating the same mistakes but expecting different results is not growing as a human being. Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
When it comes to dating, men quite often make a ton of mistakes. Hell, I did too, but I still managed to get hitched. Now, why would one take some dating advice from some old married dude? Well, not so old, but forty is knocking at the door. The dating game has changed and will continue to adapt. From clubbin’ in the 90s and 2000s to Tinder and Bumble in the 2010s. Folks have always been trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. These three bits of wisdom will serve men in the dating game well no matter how much the dating game evolves. Maybe this advice can apply to women or same-sex couples too?
Men will often ask a person they’ve started dating the oh so dreaded question: How many people have you slept with? I use to make this mistake and ask this very loaded question. Whatever answer you get, you’ll either be comparing yourself to past lovers or worse, judging your partner’s sexual history. Women have to deal with slut-shaming from society at large when they own their sexuality. But it won’t build a happy relationship, long-term or short-term if that shaming comes from an intimate partner. When it comes to sex, consent and STI disclosure should be the most crucial thing in dating a new partner. If you must ask this question, ask this instead: How many relationships have you had?
Is Chivalry Dead?
I would agree that chivalry hasn’t died; it’s just changed. You don’t need to buy your date a dozen flowers or read her a poem you wrote them on the first date. Plus, don’t do that it makes you look creepy and desperate. I’d advise against making any romantic gestures you’ve seen in any romantic comedy movie. You don’t always need to put your coat down to cover a puddle. Women aren’t precious objects that must be handled like a fragile package. They’re human beings. So, it’s a matter of being respectful and asking what they want. Do they want to go dutch? Would they like to hold the door for you instead? Maybe they want a beer instead of a cosmo.
Here’s another a rule of thumb too. Don’t be a dick to the server or bartender if they get you or your date’s order wrong. Don’t belittle people to make yourself feel big. That’s not confidence that’s being an asshole who’s genuinely insecure. And it won’t impress your date. Modern chivalry isn’t about being the “nice guy” that’s super agreeable with your potential partner on every little thing in hopes that you score. You can have your own views and opinions. Just don’t be an ass to anyone who doesn’t see things your way. Unless they voted for Trump. Well, that’s a whole another post, but you probably don’t want to date a bigot. Hey fellas, don’t “but Tomi Lahren tho” me either!
It seems after college and moving into grad school, I started to take dating seriously. Way too serious! I probably came across dull and uber nervous on many dates. That’s no way to spark attraction and attraction isn’t a choice. But one can kill attraction on a date by treating your potential partner like they’re on a job interview. Be open and forget the checklist. Stop looking for the “ONE”. Those IG filters can be misleading.
So don’t look at every new date like they’re a future spouse. You should be excited about meeting a possible unique and intriguing person. If it’s a bad date, then you have an excellent story to share with friends, the next time you all hang out. These are things I realized after turning thirty. I had to have fun dating like did back when I was a broke college kid. No matter if it’s your future wife or a casual fling, the best advice is to enjoy yourself. Dating is what we make it. So even when you’re an old married man, you can still have fun on dates with someone you’ve been out with hundreds of times. I know I always still do!