Men aren’t typically thought of as the “fairer sex,” but we, too, want to be appreciated. Across cultures, physical attractiveness often contributes to one’s perceived worth and respect. Pretty privilege is real, and I can say I never experienced it. I know, as a straight male, there’s a billion-dollar cosmetic industry geared towards women and those who identify as female. It immensely pressures women and girls to conform to specific beauty standards. They’re beauty standards for men and boys, too. But there are far fewer consequences for not being a pretty boy compared to not being a “Plastic” from Mean Girls. Not to mention the beauty standards faced by those in the LGBTQ community. But that’s for another time. Let’s talk about what makes a man attractive. Here’s what AI says about Male Attractiveness.
Attractiveness is subjective and can vary based on personal preferences, cultural influences, and individual experiences. There are, however, several common characteristics that many find attractive in a man. Key factors identified by AI include confidence, a good sense of humor, kindness, ambition, a well-groomed appearance, good health, intelligence, strong social skills, and maturity. They even included an extra-bonus trait, the X-Factor! It claims that the X-Factor is sometimes intangible—chemistry, a unique vibe, or an unexpected trait that clicks with someone.
Gemini and GPT Chat have some good points, but as a human male, I might have a personal perspective on what makes a man attractive. I was short, broke, and was a no-car-having dude in college. But my dating life was solid. Even when I was dealing with my mental health issues after my military service, I was still dating and meeting people.
When I turned 30, I got my mental health together in a much more productive way. I had time to reflect on my dating life in my late teens and 20s. I realize the best moments I had with girlfriends, partners, and flings were when I was just being myself. The times that I failed were when I was putting up a front or feeling bad about myself. Now, that doesn’t mean that I got everyone I pursued. Nope, you win some and lose some.
This article draws inspiration from F.D. Signifier’s YouTube video essay, “What Really Makes a Man Desirable.” F.D. reached the same conclusion I had over a decade ago regarding attractiveness and being a guy. You have to be yourself. While it may sound like a cliché, it’s good to understand that being attractive means striving to be the best version of yourself. The most attractive people are those who embrace who they are: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s true.
I’ve met good-looking people whose unpleasant personalities made them much less attractive to me. I’ve met people whom I found myself attracted to despite no initial sparks. But upon getting to know them, I found them intriguing, even beautiful. My wife grows more attractive as we get deeper into this journey called marriage. That’s not to say she wasn’t gorgeous when we first met. I know her on a much more intimate level over a decade after our first date. If a guy like me can find love, there’s hope for everyone.
One thing that’s important to the advice ‘just be yourself’ is ensuring that you’ve dealt with your internal issues. Yes, your inner game is significant and more important than your outside game in dating. You mentally have to be healthy and have a positive self-image. You can’t find love in life if you don’t love yourself. That’s whether you’re playing the field, dating around, or trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. If you don’t like yourself, you can’t expect other people to like you, either. You can’t go through life seeking validation from others. Rather, it’s friends, family, lovers, or co-workers. You’ll be miserable trying to make other people happy. Trust me, I know from personal experience.
My mental health journey is one that started at 22 years old, and over two decades later, I’m still on that road. But I’ve learned over time to be kind to myself and give myself grace. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. A truly attractive person will know they’re not perfect, but will be okay with that fact. Treat yourself with kindness every day because you have to live with yourself every day. If you are going through a mental health crisis or have thoughts of self-harm, please seek a mental health professional immediately. Many communities also offer free mental health resources.
I know that if I were a younger man in this Red Pill Manosphere era. That toxic rabbit’s hole could have ensnared me. Often, those in the manosphere will identify the issues facing many men and boys, like depression, isolation, anger issues, and financial instability. Their conclusions, however, frequently simplify the matter by placing the blame squarely on women. Yet, paradoxically, these men tie their entire mindset and self-worth to the number of women they can attract. That’s silly.
Being an “Alpha Male” bro isn’t gonna get you the ladies or the fellows, if that’s what you like. Feel free to deep dive into my thoughts about the problematic nature of the Manosphere on the Question Culture Podcast. One thing I can say that’s positive about the Manosphere. I’ll give the devil its due. The consistent promotion that men should take steps to improve themselves and become better men. I’ll add that society needs to do a better job of addressing the social conditions that lead to incels and mass shooters. The Manosphere does nothing to address these issues and often fanned the flames of young men’s rage. Look at the violent end of the Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodgers in 2014.
Being a decent person with a genuine personality will get you way further than having large muscles or hating women for just existing. The laws of attraction aren’t a choice. It’s something that is or isn’t. Rather, you’re short, tall, big, or skinny. White or black or Asian, those things don’t matter if you’re a total jerk. Beauty is often in the eye of the beholder. You can walk around your city or town on an average day. You’ll see all types of men in romantic relationships, often with caring partners and loving families.
What makes an attractive man is both easy and complicated. It’s about being a decent human being who puts effort into how they appear and how they feel about themselves. Too many men think being rich, famous, having big muscles, being well-endowed or being tall are the keys to attraction. These things may help some men get their foot in the door. However, that’s not a reality for many men worldwide. If you look around, you’ll see many guys in healthy and happy relationships or dating around if they choose to do so. It’s not a one-size-fits-all approach. Also, blaming women for your problems won’t help either. women have told us for decades the type a man they find attractive. It’s a man who’s kind, giving, respects others, self-assured, and makes them feel desired. If you can give them a good orgasm that’s a huge bonus!
It boils down to being the best version of yourself. If you’re naturally funny, lean into it; if you’re good at fixing things, then lean into that. Now, if you’re the strong, silent type, make sure there’s some charm to your mysterious persona. The world is a tough place, and it can suck hard. But what will make you look unattractive to most is if you walk around hating yourself and other people who’ve done you no harm. There’s enough hate in this world. The last thing you should do is be hateful towards yourself because you don’t have Chris Hemsworth’s abs or Michael B. Jordan’s smile. Your attractiveness as a man stems from self-acceptance. Or having Jeff Bezos type money…just joking!
Evolving Folks Project 