There is no such thing as an Alpha.
The Alpha Male has been the idealized male in mainstream culture for decades. Dominate, powerful, imposing, etc., but the idea of the alpha male is a myth. In the non-human animal world, there are no alpha males. Alpha male and female once claimed to rule the wolf pack through brute force and intimidation is a fallacy. Scientists were studying wolves in captivity living in limited shape. Close quarters with too many individuals can change one’s natural behaviors. In reality, cooperation, cunning, and compassion is what makes wolves apex predators in the wild. Not competitiveness and domination. Although science has proven this idea of ‘the Alpha Male’ wrong, it still persists in mainstream culture.
In chatrooms, or Reddit forums or with a quick Google search, you can find the Alpha vs. Beta male debate play out in countless ways. This is a false dichotomy. What makes a man a beta? What makes him an alpha? Masculinity is far more complex than boiling down to the simplistic alpha versus beta dichotomy. And fellas please don’t go around calling yourself an ‘alpha male’ unless it’s part of your pro-wrestling gimmick.
Another thing that makes the idea of the alpha male problematic is it’s always a man who’s straight that are considered an alpha male. Because they have tons of sex, but only straight sex with women, buddy! I guess being a queer or a trans man means you’re not part of the alpha male club. The excellent news for fellas is that the idea of the alpha male is bogus one, because it’s not real. It’s a marketing scheme to get you to keep you LA Fitness membership and buying plenty of Axe Body spray. #GainsBro! (Nothing wrong with physical fitness, but every man isn’t gonna look like Dwayne Johnson.)
The ‘so-called’ Alpha Male
When men brag about themselves or someone being an alpha male, many negative traits come to mind. They’re dominating, vulgar, short-tempered, sexists, and violent. These types of attributes have hindered men for far too long. I’ve spoken about the mistakes I’ve made in my past, so I’m not saying I didn’t fall into the trap of toxic ideas about what makes a man a man. Hell, I served in the Armed Forces, which promoted a culture of toxic masculinity. An idealized version of masculinity very few men actually lived up to and the ones that did were miserable to be around.
Men should not be striving to be an asshole or bully or both. Some men think being an alpha male means dominating other people. And always making yourself the de facto leader. It’s a statement that holds true for all people, ‘no one person knows everything, but every person knows something.’ I’m okay with leading a camping trip, a Zoom call, or a peace circle. But if I get more than a flat tire on my car, then I’m gonna follow the lead of the person who knows a helluva lot more about cars than I do to fix the problem.
The outdated idea of an Alpha Male was to be a bully, don’t be that way. It was to belittle others to make yourself look bigger than others. Don’t be like that. It was the man who started a fistfight because someone cut them off in traffic on the way to work at a job they despise. Don’t be that guy, bruh.
The Evolved Man
This site is called the Evolving Man Project. The ‘Evolved Man‘ is an idea I got from consultant David D’Angelo and I just ran with it. The kind of man that makes a mark in this world isn’t a so-called ‘Alpha Male” that bullies their way to the top. If you make it to the top that way, they’ll be plenty of people waiting for your downfall. And when you do fall, you’ve been such an asshole no one will help you when you’re down.
An evolved man is a man that leaves his mark in a positive way. They’ve uplifted others, traveled far and wide, been teachers, and mentors, they continue to learn and grow. This isn’t saying that an evolved man can’t make mistakes. Or that an evolved man must be perfect at all times. It isn’t about being the uber agreeable nice guy that tries to get along with everyone and never stands up for themselves or others.
No, an evolved man is assertive, keeps their word, they’re kind and supportive. They’re the type of men in leadership who are willing to step aside when the time comes. They’re the type men who build up others around them, including the women in their lives. And they’re the ones to learn from their mistakes. So let’s finally say goodbye to the outdated idea of the ‘alpha male’ because it’s some stupid shit humans made up.