Evolving Folks Project

Loneliness: The Silent Killer

The male loneliness epidemic is a growing problem in the United States and the United Kingdom. Men are more likely than women to report feeling lonely, and the number of lonely men has been increasing in recent years, especially in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. 

Many factors contribute to male loneliness. One factor is the decline of traditional male institutions, such as churches and local sports teams. These institutions used to provide men with a sense of community and belonging. However, many of these institutions are now in decline, and men are less likely to be involved in them.

Another factor contributing to male loneliness is the social pressure on men to be stoic and self-sufficient. Men are often taught to not show their emotions or ask for help. This can make it difficult for men to form close relationships and seek support when needed.

It is vital to address issues that contribute to male loneliness, such as the decline of male institutions, economic instability, and other factors that include:

• The rise of social media can make people feel more connected to others online than in the real world.
• The increasing number of men who are living alone.
• The decline of marriage and the rise of divorce.
• The expanding number of men who are unemployed or underemployed.

The male loneliness epidemic has several negative consequences for men’s health and well-being. Lonely men are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and substance abuse problems. They are also more likely to have poor physical health and to die prematurely.

Lonely men of all ages can be influenced negatively thanks to the rise of the “manosphere,” as I discuss in the most recent episode of Question Culture Podcast. 

The manosphere appeals to its audience because it speaks to the authentic lives of young men under the above factors – romantic rejection, alienation, economic failure, loneliness, and a dim vision of the future.

Unfortunately, men can be radicalized through online influencers who address legitimate issues facing modern men, like joblessness, inflation, and lack of stable friendships. Influencers like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson take these issues impacting men and create scapegoats and promote reactionary ideology. Versus offering serious critiques of a society that fails too many people, including many men, young and old alike. The likes of Tate, Peterson, and countless other faux “Alpha Males” and Western Chauvinist” influencers put for men’s suffering the blame on the LGTBQ community, feminism, cancel culture, different racial and ethnic groups, undocumented immigrants, and the MeToo Movement. 

The incel community these hateful ideologies spread like wildfire, which can have real-world consequences. We’ve seen many instances where lonely and isolated men take their rage out against others who are projected to be the reason why their life isn’t what T.V. and movies promise them. Case in point, the Santa Barbara University Shooter Elliot Rodger or the 2023 Jacksonville shooter, both men blamed black people or women for their life troubles and challenges. They killed scores of innocent people in their violent rampage. 

Men are the majority of mass shooters. There is a clear correlation between mass shootings and men in the United States. According to a 2019 report by the Gun Violence Archive, 98% of mass shooters in the United States were male. The report also found that mass shootings are more likely to occur in states with lax gun control laws. The United States has far more guns than any other developed country. In 2020, there were an estimated 120.5 guns per 100 people in the United States.

Another devastating result of male social isolation is suicide. Men are more likely than women to die by suicide in the United States and the United Kingdom. In the U.S., men are 3.5 times more likely than women to die by suicide, and in the U.K., men are 3 times more likely than women to die by suicide.

Many factors contribute to the higher rates of suicide among men. One aspect is that men are less likely to seek help for mental health problems. Men are also more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as substance abuse and violence, which can increase the risk of suicide.

Several things can be done to reduce the rates of suicide among men. One crucial step is encouraging men to seek help for mental health problems. It is also essential to address the root causes of suicide include poverty, unemployment, mental illness, and social isolation.

What happened to our boys? 

There’s been an achievement gap between girls and boys, and the girls are winning; this isn’t bad. Yes, more women are enrolled in college and earning more degrees than men in the United States. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, women have made up the majority of college students since 1979. In 2021, women made up 59% of college students. Over the last five decades the increasing number of women earning college degrees has more than doubled. In 1970, only 13% of women had a bachelor’s degree. By 2021, that number had increased to 38%.

Women are also increasingly earning more than men in the United States. In 2021, women earned 83 cents for every dollar earned by men. This is up from 60 cents in 1979. Several factors contribute to these trends. One factor is the increasing number of women who are entering the workforce. In 1970, only 43% of women were in the workforce. By 2021, that number had increased to 57%.

This achievement gap has upended the male breadwinner myth. These days, women have more economic independence. That means they can leave abusive and violent relationships and marriages with men. This is a good thing for women living in this era compared to previous generations of women. The sole breadwinner myth was killed by the U.S. economy tanking every few years over the last four decades. There has been a decline in the standard of living. As more and more Americans became non-unionized in the 1980s, wages and benefits for the average worker stagnated. 

The participation of men in the workforce has declined significantly since the 1980s in the United States. In 1980, the labor force participation rate for men was 79.7%. By 2022, it had fallen to 65.5%. The deindustrialization of the U.S. economy has hurt many men’s earnings. Many manufacturing jobs once held by men have been lost to automation or moved to other countries with lower wages.

As mentioned earlier, another factor is the increased number of men enrolled in college. In 1980 only 21% of men had a bachelor’s degree or higher. By 2022, that number had risen to 35%. While a college degree can lead to higher-paying jobs, it can also delay entry into the workforce. Gaining more education is good for both men and women, but student loans have become a financial burden for many, including many men with a college education or some college education.

Other factors that have contributed to the decline in male labor force participation include:

• The aging of the population
• The rise of the gig economy
• The decline in unionization
• The increase in incarceration rates

The decline in male labor force participation has had several negative consequences. It has led to decreased working-age men, which has strained the economy. It has also led to an increase in families relying on more than one or two incomes to support the household.

Addiction are a significant public health problem in the United States. Men are more likely than women to use and abuse drugs and alcohol, and they are also more likely to develop a substance use disorder.

According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), men are more likely than women to use almost all types of illicit drugs. They are also more likely to die from drug overdoses. In addition, men are more likely to binge drink, defined as having five or more drinks for men on a single occasion.

Addiction is another factor that harms men. In my first blog post, I spoke candidly about my struggles with substance abuse. Several facets contribute to the higher rates of addiction among men. One aspect is that men are likelier to engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse and violence. Men are also more likely to experience trauma, which can increase the risk of addiction.

In addition, many social and cultural factors contribute to addiction among men. For example, men are often expected to be strong and independent, making seeking help to curb addiction and substance abuse challenging. Men are also more likely to be exposed to drugs and alcohol in the workplace and social settings.

Helping our boys

The first thing we can do is social uplift; the manosphere types will blame feminism and “soy boys” for the troubles modern men face today, but that’s all bullshit. U.S. society has failed everyone, especially those from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and individuals with criminal records. 

Many things can be done to address the decline in male labor force participation. One crucial step is investing in education and training programs to help men develop the skills they need to succeed in the 21st-century economy. It is also essential to make it easier for men to balance work and family life. Colleges and trade schools can do more to recruit male students.

Everyday people must unionize their workplaces to push for victories like higher wages, a four-day work week, paid sick leave, paternity leave, and other workers’ protections. We’ve seen efforts to unionize rise in popularity over the last few years since the COVID-19 pandemic. Getting these critical workers’ benefits and rights will be hard. It will be worth it in the long run. Better pay and benefits will undoubtedly improve the economic stability for many men and their families. 

Speaking of labor, one thing employment does, at least in the United States, is tie your health insurance to your job. A universal healthcare or Medicare for All system will ease the burden for millions of Americans who hate navigating the corrupt healthcare insurance industry. To the liberals, conservatives, and libertarians out there who will claim a universal healthcare system run by the government isn’t feasible or, worse, is socialism. 

The government runs the Post Office, the military, and the V.A. healthcare system that provides free healthcare for all military veterans. Plus, many countries like Cuba, the United Kingdom, Costa Rica, Oman, India, China, and many more have a universal healthcare system for their citizens. The USA must catch up. The lack of accessible healthcare is hurting men and boys. Medicare for All is possible. It will take the will of the people to make it happen. Access to free and affordable healthcare will help countless men gain access to mental health professionals. Providers, at times, can be out of reach due to costs for far too many people. 

It will take decades to make get those changes, but history is showing that despite the despair things are moving in the right direct. But what can men do today to break the cycle of loneliness. Here are some specific things that men can do to reduce their risk of loneliness:

• Make an effort to connect with other men in person. This could involve joining a sports team, club, or religious organization.
• Be open about your feelings and emotions with your friends and family.
• Start a new hobby, like improv, a dance class, or a cooking course. 
• Volunteering is an excellent way to meet like-minded people and leave the house. There are churches, homeless shelters, animal rescue, schools, and mentorship programs like the Boys and Girls Club. 
• Connect with friends and family; a call or text can go a long way. 
• Take a walk or hike in nature.
• Seek professional help if you are struggling to cope with loneliness or other mental health problems.

Many things can be done to address the male loneliness epidemic. One crucial step is to change the social norms around male emotions and upend toxic masculinity. Men should be encouraged to show their feelings and seek help when needed. The quiet, stoic male archetype is outdated. Boys do cry, and that’s okay. 

We men need to let go of our egos, and with toxic masculinity, ego plays an outsized role. I’m not immune myself. I was on an AT Trail backpacking trip. I had a 40-pound ruck on my back. A fellow hiker in the group noticed I was limping. I was gonna just power through the day, an eleven-mile hike through the wilderness. Folks came along and helped lighten my load. A fellow veteran offered me pain medicine for my hyperextended knee. I almost risked severe injury because of my foolish pride. No matter how tough, strong, or capable you may think you are, there’s always a time in life you’ll need a little help.  

Another critical step is to create more opportunities for men to connect with each other. This could involve creating new social groups and programs for men or making it easier for men to get involved in existing activities and organizations. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Millions of men experience loneliness every day. Some people care about you and want to help. If you are feeling lonely, please reach out to someone.