Evolving Folks Project

40 Year Old NOT a Virgin

A decade ago, I hit 30- years old. A milestone that many folks in my community will never get to experience. When I turned 30, I was dealing with serious mental health struggles. I was suffering in silence but was encouraged to seek help. My career wasn’t in order, and I wasn’t happy with my job. My love life was chaotic, and I wasn’t sure of myself. Self-doubt and insomnia were taking their toll on me. Turning 30 I was in a downward spiral that could have had a much more tragic ending. Luckily, there was light at the end of that tunnel. If you are suffering mentally no matter your age, please seek help. All is not lost even if it seems like it is if you’re suffering in silence. Now, reaching my fourth decade on earth, I am in a much better place mentally. Cheers to 40 trips around the sun. I reflect on countless amount of people who don’t reach this milestone.

Another Decade of Reflection

In my 30s, I got my mental health in order. It’s not that I don’t have my struggles anymore. It’s still a work in progress. I still have the occasional nightmare that wakes my wife. It’s a lingering symptom is PSTD. There’s not that many sleepless nights anymore. The nagging self-doubt is all but gone nowadays.

Getting older also meant I had to focus on my physical health too. It’s a side effect of getting fucking old. During the COVID lockdowns, I got lazy and started snacking too much. A pre-diabetes diagnosis at the VA Hospital made me make some dietary changes in 2020.

Just because you look healthy doesn’t mean you are healthy. I’m stronger nowadays, I got some grown man weight (during my Navy days I weighed a buck 30 i.e. 130lbs for your squares. Now I bounce between 168-175lbs) and I’ve gotten my blood sugar levels down. Getting old happens, and it beats the alternative. Although, I have to stretch nowadays before doing any manual labor like mowing the lawn or chopping wood. If not, back pain and soreness happens. They don’t tell you that shit when you’re 20. But I will young people. It sucks, so take care of yourself in your youth. This past decade was a decade of bouncing back. Let’s call my 30s a decade of resilience.

A Decade of Growth

This has been a time of growth in my relationships too. I hope I’m a better husband and brother and uncle and son. It takes work to balance all these roles. My 30s was the decade of me becoming a more evolved man. I’ve carved a career path that’s all my own.

I own a house, I have a brilliant and beautiful wife, and two vicious beasts. I have friends who have also grown and family that’s come into their own. Life is a constant series of changes, and it happens rather you want it or not. I’ve survived foster homes, poverty, serving in a war zone as a U.S. Navy Sailor, male pattern baldness, and Snoop Dog’s Shirley Temple Curls phase. I am very grateful and lucky for what I have. Even as I reach 40, I am still fighting for a better world for all people.

Fuck It

As I have gotten older, I realize it’s lovely to not give a fuck. I try not to get too involved with work drama; working from home makes that easier. I don’t have to deal with microaggressions in the office anymore. No, I’m the other black guy, Becky. Goddammit!

I don’t have drawn-out back-and-forth conversations with hateful trolls on social media these days. I’m getting weary of social media since that waste of space named Elon Musk destroyed one of my favorite sites. Twitter is now called X for some stupid ass reason. Damn you, Elon, you idiot trust fund baby.

But I digress, I know having more social media presence would help out my views and click on this website and for my podcast, but as this post says, I’m fucking old. I’ll have to pick the brain of one of my cool Zoomer nieces and nephews to figure out this 2023 Internet shit. I haven’t even made a Ticky Toc yet. Good thing I was never cool, so I’ll have no problem being the out-of-touch middle aged man to the 20-somethings.

I don’t stress about things I cannot control, like groceries costing an arm and leg. You need to sell Coke to da community in order to afford apples or chicken. Or how customer service has gone into the toilet over the last few years. Yeah, I ain’t got time for that shit. I’mma just keep writing angry Yelp reviews like a good Internet Karen would.  

Grown Ass Man?

Am I a grown man? I, like most elder millennials going through a millennial life crisis. I still play video games, watch pro wrestling, and eat too many cookies (we all have our vices). I’ll be happy to be considered Mr. Steal Your Auntie, but I don’t have a deep ass voice like that tall brotha from those All-State commercials. I can just say I tall, dark, and handsome minus the tall part.

Turning 40, I know I am comfortable in my own skin even as it starts to sag this decade. I’ve accepted my past and learned from my mistakes. I will still make a few more mistakes as I reach 50. I’m grateful that over the last several years. I am thrilled that so many folks have visited my little website to read or hear my random ass thoughts. It means a lot for a former foster kid born in 1980s Chicago. So thank you all.

At 40 years old, what sage advice do I have to offer? I don’t have any sage advice to provide you mofos. If I must be a wise at this thing called adulting, I can only tell you this: Wash your damn belly button and wipe until the brown is gone. No one wants to die with dirty underwear on.  

I’mma steal yo auntie, I mean, but I’m not single so only in my mind.