A Twitter Karen’s Letter to all progressives, leftists, and Bernard Brothers
Dear Bernard Brothers,
My name is Karen, and I’m so annoyed with you coming in my mentions challenging my political beliefs. I told you, I’d be at brunch if Hillary Clinton were the POTUS. We have to fall in line and get behind Biden. Trump is putting little kids in cages and stomping out people’s 1st amendment rights. Don’t tell me President Obama did the same thing because I’ll ignore you!
How dare you want to have standards for your elected officials. That’s just a purity test. I know because Obama said it!
How dare you want to have healthcare for poor and working-class people even if they have lost the jobs. I don’t care if Brazil and Thailand have universal healthcare. If it’s too radical for my Uncle Bill who voted for Trump in 2016, then it’s too radical for me.
How dare you want all your fellow citizens to have a living wage to cover things like housing, food, and other basic necessities. Next thing you’ll know, you’ll be demanding a maximum wage or the commie ideal of a UBI!
How dare you be critical of Joe Biden and the DNC, we have an election to win and a democracy to save! I know I can’t name a specific Biden policy or what he stands for, but dammit he’s not Trump!
How dare you want a Green New Deal and to honestly address environmental racism affecting poor brown, black, and red communities! Hey, I recycle and drive a Tesla!
How dare you want to hold corporations and the wealthy elite accountable! We need those rich folks’ money to continue to lobby our elected officials into inaction or drafting inhumane policies like the 1994 Crime Bill, the Patriot Act, NAFTA, or the Heals Act!
How dare you want a world where we don’t bomb brown and black countries for their natural resources! Elizabeth Warren was gonna make a Green New Military, a gentler form of imperialism! Until you Bernard Brothers put snake emojis in her Twitter D.M.s.
How dare you want free college, trade schools, and childcare for working-class people! I need to feel better than those people working at fast-food chains when I go get my vegan big mac at Mickey D’s without a mask during a pandemic. I can’t complain fully to their manager for getting my order wrong with a mask on.
How dare you want to defund the racist police and end the war on drugs? We have to lock up poor people and take away the few rights they have once they’re out of jail. Because, America! And they should’ve made better choices.
How dare you want a world where people can live with hope and dignity. You all just want to be above the fray and not get your hands dirty. Anyway, what have socialists and leftists ever done for America? We are a Capitalist Country, and we don’t want Bernard’s Revolution! Bernie doesn’t want it either. That’s why he told you all to vote for Biden.
So, in the end, I’m tired of you arrogant progressives and lefties! We want to go back to normal. When want to ignore the plight of others on the way to brunch because racism was solved when we had a black president, by the way, I would have voted for Obama a third time if I could’ve! We miss you, Barry.
Remember this in November, Bernard Brothers! A vote for Trump is a vote for Trump, a vote for Biden is a vote for Trump, a vote for the Green Party is a vote for Trump! Not voting is a vote for Trump. Because everything is Trump and all there is, is Trump. And Russia!
A radically moderate Karen from the Burbs
Biden wasn’t my first, second, third, or fiftieth choice but I will blindly follow the motto Vote Blue No Matter Who! Because I like my corporate-sponsored fascism with proper pronouns and token diversity.